In a marriage partnership, may we each rise by lifting one another.
Becoming One
“Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
Genesis 2:14
Marriage is a bonding and growing process where change will occur. As two people grow together they often face conflict or struggle. Understanding your spouses needs is major key in conflict resolution. We need to fight our own emotional tendencies such as responding in anger, feeling the need to prove ourselves, or turning on the silent treatment. Instead, think about what your partner needs and become that for them. If both people in the relationship can put that simple act into practice, it will only grow you closer together. And that is how you are able to build each other up, rather than raising yourself up at the expense of your spouse.
Ways to put your spouse before yourself
- Consider their past experiences or traumas before responding emotionally.
- Make mental notes of things that make them happy and can pull them out of a funk.
- And most importantly, reassure your spouse that you love them and you are not going anywhere, no matter how emotional or upset you are.
Humility
"When you pray, forgive, if you have anything against another so that your father who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your trespasses.”
Mark 11:25-26
"Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another is any man has a quarrel against another, even as Christ forgave you, so you must also.”
Colossians 3:13
Forgiveness can be a difficult thing. From small to big triggers, conflict and quickly turn into anger and frustration. Rather than avoiding topics that may cause conflict, discuss them early and and figure out a compromise on them. Some of these things could include personal boundaries, friendships, household expectations, and pastimes. If your partner is someone that spends a lot of time on pastimes, that may be something they need for their mental wellbeing. However, a good compromise is that they complete all household expectations prior to spending time on their hobbies. Each scenario is going to be different, and finding a healthy compromise is all a part of building a marriage on a firm foundation. More and more areas in your marriage will require compromise and discussion, mastering this technique will help prevent future confrontation.
When preventative measures didn’t work and you find yourself with resentment, this is when we need to practice forgiveness. The first step in doing so is looking to God and reflecting inward. Ask God to soften your heart and make you into someone that forgives as He forgives. And reflect on your own actions, wouldn’t you hope someone would forgive you for the things you have done throughout your life? What about the things you have not even done yet that will require forgiveness from others? Respond the way you want your partner to respond to you.
Ways to practice forgiveness
- Never assume the worst
- Remember all the ways Jesus has forgiven you for your wrongdoings
- Pray, pray, pray
Spiritual warfare is very real. The enemy is constantly trying to get a foothold on your marriage and prevent you from flourishing together. You chose your spouse as your partner in good times and bad. In times if difficulty, it is not you and your spouse against each other, it is you two working together against the problem.